The Secret They Both Kept
by Pure-HP
Summary: James and Lily both like each other but they don't say. Lily get's so depressed that she resorts to desperate measures CHAPTER 3 UP NOW!
1. Just good friends

None of the characters belong to me, except Josie, Jenna and Carla.  
  
I hope you like this. Review please.  
  
Chapter 1: Just good friends  
  
Lily Evans came down the stairs from her bedroom and sighed, she hadn't done her Divination homework and knew that she would have to ask James for help. He always did, she knew that she could always count on him but she couldn't stand to be near him. Lily didn't hate him that was the reason she couldn't stay near him, she had always loved James, since her 1st year there and now it was her 3rd but he had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anything but friendship from her.  
  
Lily took out her book and walked over to James.  
  
"Hey James, could you help me wit my Divination homework please? I forgot to do it again" Lily gave James a tragic look and then smiled.  
  
"Sure Lily" James tapped the sofa he was sitting on and said "sit!"  
  
"I really should remember to do this, I never used to be like this" Lily said while sitting next to him on the couch.  
  
"Don't worry bout it, you're still the cleverest girl at Hogwarts" James said while grinning mischievously at her.  
  
James looked into her eyes and his heart skipped a beat. He loved Lily's eyes, he had never seen any as beautiful as her bright happy emerald green. Her hair was so red and he knew that it wasn't that muggle dye thing they use because Lily wouldn't stand to have her hair a different colour. James had loved Lily since they had first laid eyes on each other, on Platform 9¾ just before they boarded the train that would take them to Hogwarts to start their 1st year there. The only person who knew about it was Sirius (of course he knew, he didn't miss a beat)! He couldn't tell her coz she would probably just laugh at him.  
  
"James, James!! Hello. are you still there?" Lily was waving her hand in front of his face. James blinked, shook his head and came out of his daydream.  
  
"Sorry Lils, what did you ask?" asked James, distracted now.  
  
"Focus James," said Lily laughing "how do we tell what the planets mean by where they are in the orbit at this precise moment?"  
  
"Oh, well you look in 'Unfogging the Future' then go to astronomy it should help you on the, do you just want me to give you the answers?" he longed to put his arm around her.  
  
"No James!! I have to do this on my own!" Said Lily, raising her voice slightly.  
  
"Okay, Okay, keep your wig on" Said James as he stood up.  
  
"Where are you going!?" Cried Lily her heart doing a funny flip flop, one because she needed his help and two because she didn't want him to leave.  
  
"you know how I love to sit here" I really do he thought "and help you work Lily but I need food, I'll be back in a bit"  
  
It was then that Ookm Lily's owl flew through the window and delivered her letter, as she read it she started crying. It went like this:  
  
Dear Miss L. Evans, We are very sorry to inform you of the recent passing of Mr George Evans and Mrs Rose Evans. We feel that you have the right to know that Voldemort walked into their home late yesterday night and killed them. I assure you that it was quick and painless. I also have the painful task in telling you that you sister Petunia, with her being the oldest and now legal guardian of you has decided that she is having you emancipated which in all means that she has divorced you from the family. I know it comes as a shock but she does not want to deal with you anymore (in her words) and expects you to find somewhere else to live during the summer. She is getting married to one Vernon Dursley. My deepest regrets to what has happened, I hope you have a good life.  
  
Corby Fudge Minister of Magic  
  
Lily dropped the letter muttered Incarnum Inflamaray and the letter burst into flames. Then she put her head in her hands and wept. Her parents were gone and her sister disowned her, this meant that she wasn't even welcome at the funeral.  
  
Jenna came down the stairs, saw her best friend crying and without thinking to ask what was wrong said.  
  
"Don't tell me, you finally came to the 21st Century and asked James out but he sad no and now your life is ruined forever and you will never find a true love again!" but then Jenna looked closely at Lily and saw that the joke wasn't on.  
  
"Lily what's up? Is it really that bad?" asked Jenna, her voice full of concern now.  
  
Lily waved her wand once and the ghost of the letter showed itself and Jenna read it. Then she broke down again and couldn't stop.  
  
"Oh my god Lily, I am so sorry. Don't worry about it. You do know that you can come and live with me, Josie and my parents (Jenna and Josie are identical twins). Jenna then hugged Lily and said.  
  
"Come on, let's go up to the bedroom and try to cheer you up. James will be back any minute now and I am sure you want to tell him without the tears."  
  
Lily got up and followed Jenna, she wasn't sure that she wanted to tell James, she loved him and she didn't want his pity. She would just feel like a sad case. There was only one thing left for her to do now. She had nothing to loose and nothing to gain.  
  
When Lily got into her bedroom she searched her trunk and pulled out a long silver (sharp) letter opener and fingered it. She put it inside her robe pocket and pretended to go to sleep, when Lily was sure the other four girls were asleep, she grabbed the letter opener, wrote a letter the Jenna and Josie and walked out of Gryffindor House, she intended to see the stars before she did what she had to.  
  
I hope you liked this story, if you liked it review please and I will write some more. Dina 


	2. Lily's Decision

I would 1st like to say thank you to Forge and Selene AS for reading and reviewing my story. I hope that more people like it and review. Now on with the story.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: Lily's decision  
  
Lily walked down to the Quidditch pitch and sat there, the sliver letter opener in one hand. Truth be told, she hated pain but she couldn't imagine pain worse than what she felt right now.  
  
She held up the opener in both hands and saw the stars reflected on it, they were so beautiful. She wanted to know where James was but knew that if she saw him, he would try and stop her so she decided to get it over and done with. They would understand. It was biting cold outside and Lily only had her nightie on.  
  
Lily fingered the point and cut herself on purpose, she had used a charm to sharpen it and now it just sliced though her finger as if it was butter. What did people care what she did? She was just a common mudblood to them and they all picked on her, her parents were her only refuge (and James) but she would never see them anymore. With that last tragic thought, Lily slit her wrists and sank the blade into the crevice just above her heart. If she was going to die, she wanted it slow and painful.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Jenna and Josie were running around Hogwarts when they bumped into James. They were crying and when they saw him, they shouted. (Because they were twins, they knew what the other was thinking)  
  
"Lily's gone James!!! She got a letter this afternoon when you left her and it said that her parents had been killed by Voldemort and that her sister had emancipated her from the family. God James she was distraught and now she's missing!!! I am so worried she has done something to herself. WE HAVE TO FIND HER!!!!"  
  
James looked more worried by the second, what if he was too late? He knew how devoted she was to her parents. He bellowed  
  
"Come on! Where have you looked?"  
  
"We have looked in the common room and the great hall" said Josie.  
  
"Okay then, we should split up, we'll cover more ground that way. I'll look outside, Jenna you look in the hallways and Josie look in the Dungeons! AND HURRY!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
James had been looking all over the place outside, he hadn't heard from Josie or Jenna so he knew she hadn't been found yet. He worry was getting beyond control when suddenly he spotted flaming red hair. He thanked god she was alright. From where he stood, she looked like she was gazing at the stars. It was as he got closer that he saw the glint of the hilt of the dagger still wedged in her flesh. He ran to her but she wasn't breathing and there was no pulse. His first instinct was to remove the knife (he didn't know if was a letter opener) but figured she would loose too much blood that way and just hoped against hope that she was just unconscious.  
  
"Lily wake up, oh God please don't be dead!" cried James  
  
It was then that he saw her wrists were cut and without even knowing it, started to cry. Depending on how long she was out here, she could have been dead a long time ago. James wrapped up her wrists and took her as fast as he could to Madame Jeffers.  
  
* * * * *  
  
James burst into the hospital ward and shouted  
  
"Madame Jeffers!!! Oh god please, I think she's dead!"  
  
Madame Jeffers rushed out in her flannel gown and went pale as soon as she saw Lily.  
  
"Dear god, what happened to her?"  
  
James was still in tears but managed to choke out how her parents had been killed and how her sister had had her emancipated.  
  
"I don't think she wanted to live anymore"  
  
"Well let me see what I can do for her!" Said Madame Jeffers as she floated Lily onto the bed and magically wound tubes around her and into her.  
  
"Is she alive?" said James, not even trying to hide the fact that he was crying now.  
  
"Just barely, its touch and go for the next 48 hours, feel free to stay with her if you want. I think that would be best. I find that talking to her would help too."  
  
So James stayed with Lily, holding her hand through the whole deal because if it had happened to him, he would want her there with him.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Josie and Jenna burst into the hospital ward 2 hours later when they had heard my Professor Binns that Lily was in hospital and they might want to go an see her. They were in their creased robes and crying. The first thing they saw was James holding Lily's hand but he was asleep. Josie could see the dried tears on his cheeks but didn't say anything. Jenna went up to James and shook him awake.  
  
"James, wake up. I see Madame Jeffers said that you could stay here?"  
  
James blinked and remembered what had happened to Lily and his eyes filled with tears again.  
  
"Yeah, she said to talk to her, but you can stay if you want to."  
  
"No, we will come and see her in the morning. We think u need to get some things off you chest for now?" Smiled Josie knowingly.  
  
"Yeah I guess I do, thanks" said James to Jenna and Josie's retreating backs.  
  
James looked down at Lily and realised that he did have things to say to her. He decided that he should say it now when she couldn't hear so at least he would have heard it out loud. And so he began.  
  
"Well Lily, I guess I really messed up huh? I should have saved you earlier and now you could die and you might never hear what I have to say. So straight to the point, I love you and I always have. I know that you could never love me after all, we're just friends right? And I can live with that if you just survive. From the moment I first set eyes on you, I never cared about anyone else. I know I have had my fair share of girlfriends and admirers but I never loved any of them. The funny thing is that Sirius always knew, I guess I was never very subtle around him. I don't want you to die. I know that saying this to you while you are away dreaming of the perfect guy is very surreal but I know I can never say this to your face. It would just hurt too bad hearing from you that you don't care."  
  
Tears fell silently down James' face, he squeezed Lily's hand and amazingly she squeezed it back. He got up and ran to Madame Jeffers quarters, banged the door open and shouted  
  
"Madame Jeffers, Lily just squeezed my hand!! Is she awake?"  
  
Madame Jeffers rushed over and checked the monitor; suddenly it started beeping loudly and slowly turned to James and said in a very sad voice.  
  
"I am so sorry James, but it seems that she has gone into a cardiac arrest, you'll have to leave while I try and save her, it's too risky for you to stay here now." She had a tear in her eye as she saw James leave. 


	3. Hoping

The much needed disclaimer, I own nothing. JK Rowling is the creator of these amazing characters and I am just giving them a meaning.  
  
Chapter 3: Hoping  
  
James made his way back to the common room. The tears had stopped coming as he had walked around the quidditch field. He didn't want to upset Jenna and Josie and anyway, wasn't he the one that was supposed to be strong?  
  
He walked up to the Fat Lady, gave the password (Stonykins) and headed for his dormitory, keeping his head bowed. He only looked up when he felt a hand on his arm. It was Remus.  
  
"James? How is she?"  
  
The expression on James' face could only be described as a lost boy.  
  
"Cardiac arrest...trying to save her now." he trailed off.  
  
Remus looked shaken, his eyes overly bright.  
  
"Come and sit down. Jenna and Josie have gone too sleep, they couldn't handle it."  
  
They walked over to the large group of armchairs, where Sirius sat. Lily was like a sister to Sirius, they had grown up next door to each other and shared everything so it was particularly hard for James to look him in the face, Remus, sensing this, spoke for him. He heaved a huge sigh.  
  
"Sirius, it doesn't look too good. She's gone into cardiac arrest. She has lost a lot of blood and her heart can't cope. I'm sure that they will get a transfusion" Remus carried on quickly, he didn't want to be interrupted "What good is magic if they can't save her? They will save her."  
  
Sirius sat there for what seemed like ages to Remus and James, and then he gave a slow nod and stood up. He walked straight up the dormitory stairs, not making a noise. James collapsed onto the couch that had only just occupied Sirius.  
  
"I can't stand it Remus, this isn't like Sirius. What if she doesn't make it? I don't think any of us 5 (Josie and Jenna included) could cope."  
  
Remus sat down gently next to him.  
  
"She will be fine James, we will talk to Professor Dumbledore tomorrow but we have to get to sleep now or you might just fall asleep in Snape's class and that is not a wise thing to do. (Severus Snape's father is the Potions Master right now)  
  
* * * * *  
  
James did not get any sleep that night. He shook Remus awake, Sirius hadn't slept either, and they went down to the Common Room. It was around 6:00am in the morning so everyone was still expected to be asleep but sitting on the couch, with dark circles under their eyes were Jenna and Josie.  
  
"I want to know how Lily is doing, we both do." Said Jenna, standing up. Remus was always the calm one. He stepped forward and put his arm around Jenna.  
  
"We are going to see Professor Dumbledore right now, come with us."  
  
Both twins looked extremely grateful and stepped in line with the Marauders. Sirius still hadn't said anything and James had the feeling that he didn't trust himself to speak. James had only seen him like this once before, that was when he had heard of his mother's death at the age of 11 and Lily had been there for him then. They were all in their 6th year now but as James was his best friend, he could tell that Sirius was reliving it all again and the distinct possibility that he was going to lose someone else close to him.  
  
They stood outside Dumbledore's office 10 minutes later, each of them (except for Remus) tired and weary. James, having been here only the other day because he and Sirius had magically washed Severus Snape's hair and made him sing 'God save the Queen' at the top of his lungs in front of the entire school (very amusing because he had such a terrible voice), knew the password (acid pop). They walked up the spiral staircase until they were very dizzy, James hoping that Dumbledore was decent because he didn't know what kind of emotional scars seeing Dumbledore partially dressed, would leave.  
  
The door opened to a fully dressed Headmaster.  
  
"I expected you five to be here this early. Please come in, I do feel that it is time you hear what has happened. I understand that last night must have been really hard for all of you." Dumbledore's eyes had lost their kind twinkle. As he only had two other chairs than his own throne-like one, he conjured up three more. They each sat on one.  
  
"Miss Evan indeed lost a lot of blood last night; it took Madam Jeffers a long time to set her heart rate back to normal and Lily is awfully weak. She has not awakened and I don't expect she will for a few days. The transfusion is being administered as we speak and I do hope it goes well. Her sate is stable but only just, which is why I must ask you not to look in on her at all until myself or Madam Jeffers announces that it is okay."  
  
Jenna opened her mouth in protest but Dumbledore held up his hand.  
  
"I know that it is most unjust but I must ask you this because I do not want to worsen her state. You must understand that her case is critical."  
  
It was evident from his face that Sirius was going through torment and finally he spoke, which shocked all of his friends.  
  
"She will live wont she Professor?" His voice cracked.  
  
Dumbledore smiled slightly. "Yes I believe that she will. She is a fighter. I think the shock of everything just got to her and I regret that I had not seen it coming. If she carries on the way that she has been doing, responding well to treatment, I see no reason for her to get any worse. I only hope that she is emotionally well. Something of this magnitude can seriously harm a person's view of themselves. I am pleased to say though, that with friends like you, she will be fine."  
  
Everyone heaved a sigh of relief and Josie broke down completely. She sobbed for a little while and everyone comforted her. It seems that she had been keeping everything in as everyone else had showed their grief.  
  
"There, there Miss Brown. It is known that the shock is much worse when it is delayed. I assure you though that there is no need to worry."  
  
Then he spoke to everyone.  
  
"You can make you way back to you House and catch up on a few hours sleep or you could head down to the Hall and make a start on breakfast."  
  
Sirius, regaining composure at the imminent recovery of his friend, got the same mad gleam in his eyes that he wore just for mischievousness and said.  
  
"I want to go down to the Hall and eat." He looked around him. "Everyone agree?"  
  
His friends recognised the signs and smiled, relieved to have the old Sirius back. They nodded and headed out of the door that Dumbledore held open for them but just as James was about to walk through, he said.  
  
"Oh and Mr Potter, I am always decent, not that I'm saying that I sleep in this cloak of course (he made a quite comical, disgusted face) the twinkle returning to his eyes."  
  
* * * * *  
  
That is the end of that chapter and I greatly appreciate reviews. I know that it took me ages to get this chapter up but I had to do mock exams and LOADS of homework now that I am in College. Thank you for your patience and I expect to have the next chapter up soon. *Dina* 


	4. The Hilarious Prank

A/N: I feel the need to make up for the long amount of time that I have been away and in celebration for the publication of 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' for 21st June, I am adding another chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I make no profit out of this.  
  
Chapter 4: The Hilarious Prank  
  
"James! Please would you hurry up?!" Sirius stood at the foot of the boys dormitory stairs. It had been 3 days since they had spoken to Dumbledore and it was the weekend. James appeared at the top of the stairs, holding something silvery. Remus, Josie and Jenna were sitting on the couch playing exploding snap.  
  
"What's the rush?"  
  
"I want to get this done now. It's been to long."  
  
James rolled his eyes and descended the stairs, unfolding the cloak.  
  
"Well are you three coming?" James asked Remus, Jenna and Josie.  
  
Remus looked up "Nope, we are going to be good little Gryffindor's while you two be the bad ones. Now go and do your prank."  
  
James and Sirius relented, pulling the cloak around them and heading out of the common room.  
  
Sirius stumbled but was caught by James before he hit the ground. "I'm telling you Sirius, you have two left feet. Watch where you walk or you'll end up flat on your face. So what are we going to do?"  
  
Sirius took a deep breath "we are going down to the kitchens and you will keep the House-elves distracted, not that that is difficult as they always crowd around us when we enter. Take as much food as you can, just to keep them busy and I will spike the Pumpkin juice."  
  
"For which Slytherin?"  
  
"Ah, well all of them, I have enough potion for it and it will be hilarious."  
  
James couldn't keep the grin from his face. "What is this potion going to do?"  
  
"A very simple potion that will make the girls fall uncontrollably in love with Dumbledore and the boys fall in love with McGonagall. She's too soft for her own good. Just because she's a new teacher, doesn't mean people will respect or listen to her if she lets them get away with everything."  
  
James couldn't help laughing. "If she turns into an ogre, you had better hope that people don't know that it was you who made her that way."  
  
"Me?" Sirius looked shocked but James could see right through it "No no you misinterpret me James, it's we, not me." Sirius grinned evilly as James tickled the pear.  
  
The House-elves crowded around Sirius and James as expected. Sirius gave a slight nod to James and disentangled himself from the elves. James nodded back.  
  
"Okay, now I have a very big favour to ask of you. Could you please help me?"  
  
"We would love to, James Potter sir." They chorused.  
  
"Well this job will take all of you house-elves to do. So have you finished all the cooking for this morning's breakfast?" Sirius cast James a worried look, obviously wondering what James was playing at. The house-elves didn't see and continued "Yes sir, we have. We are free." James had expected this. They really did work live slaves.  
  
"Good, well the Gryffindor's are having a party but mind you do not tell anyone because it's a secret and we don't want to get told off. Well I want all of you to get as much food as you possibly can for us but seeing as there is only the two of us, could you please take it upstairs for us?"  
  
The house-elves bowed and disappeared into the huge store cupboard, Sirius took this time to remove the potion and fill some of the goblets then he looked at James, his expression asking if the house-elves were returning. James peeped into the store cupboard saw it completely empty and turned back.  
  
"They aren't there. I think they have gone to the common room to deliver the food. I do hope that they don't give too much. I don't know if we'll be able to finish it."  
  
Sirius finished filling the goblets and turned back. "James, there are plenty of boys in Gryffindor. I am sure that we can finish it although the teachers will probably wonder why we are starving ourselves." He grinned cheekily.  
  
James nodded seriously but then he paused. "How long is that potion supposed to last?"  
  
Sirius shrugged "Dunno, didn't check. Probably the usual 48 hours. Well it's done now. This is going to be amazing!"  
  
James wasn't so sure. Should they really try a teacher who had only started working here at the start of the year?  
  
* * * * *  
  
When James and Sirius returned, the House-elves had left but in their wake was the most magnificent feast they had ever seen. Remus and the rest of the Gryffindors, who had finally woken up, were staring at it wide-eyed and open mouthed. "I told you that they would give us a lot. This is their idea of a party."  
  
"And mine" said Sirius. Josie and Jenna scowled ant him.  
  
Jenna wondered over to the table and then turned to face Sirius. "This is your idea of being bad? The boys will love it, how is that being bad?"  
  
Sirius grinned evilly again. "You'll see."  
  
* * * * *  
  
The boys had a wonderful time, eating all that they could while the girls scowled, ate a few things and muttered. Over half of it was gone when all of them made their way out of the common room.  
  
"Right" said Sirius "Time to go down to breakfast."  
  
"WHAT?" bellowed Josie. "You have just had enough food to last me a week and you want more? You'll be sick."  
  
"Josie, Josie, Josie." Sirius mocked, as if she was a very dim child. "A boy's stomach is never full and anyway, we wouldn't miss this breakfast for the world."  
  
"Why won't you tell us what you did?" Jenna moaned.  
  
James and Sirius exchanged conspiratorial looks and said "Because it would take all the fun out of it. It has to be unexpected."  
  
The both laughed heartily at this. Everyone was very interested to see what they had done now and hurried to the Great Hall. The disappointment on their faces was evident when they entered and saw everything exactly how is should be, including the Slytherins.  
  
Sirius, James, Remus, Josie and Jenna found seats and sat down. Sirius leant over to James and whispered "I guess they haven't touched their goblets yet huh?"  
  
"Either that or the potion didn't work" James replied in a whisper.  
  
How wrong he was. The potion had indeed worked. Samson Avery was the first person to drink from his goblet. He seemed quite fine, he even resumed his eating but then suddenly, a look crossed his face and his head turned to the staff table. He literally looked awed at the sight. James elbowed Sirius in the stomach who clutched it and shouted  
  
"What the hell?! Why did u do that?"  
  
"Look at Avery" James hissed.  
  
Avery had now god too his mismatched feet and begun to make his way over to the staff table. All the Gryffindor heads turned and watched. He seemed completely oblivious and carried on walking. Now Sirius saw more Slytherins taking drinks and laughed loudly, it echoed all around the silent Hall and he soon shut up. The expression passed over each of their faces in turn and they stood up also. Making his or her way up to the staff table. Now the Ravenclaw's and Hufflepuff's turned to watch too.  
  
'Oh this is going to be good' Sirius thought.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sorry to leave you there but that is the end of that chapter. I know you are all wondering what is going to happen to Lily and I will write that soon. Review please. Thank you *Dina* 


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